Magic pants and sexist plots
Sorry readers, I can't help myself. Trinny & Susannah are back on my radar again. The duo known for publicly undressing (others) more frequently than most of us remember to floss gains a mention here for a recent episode focusing on 'dressing appropriately for one's age'.
Upping the stakes was the fact that the couple at the heart of this particular show, Tracey and Chris Moat, boasted an 18-year difference, with Tracey on the upper end of the spectrum at 42. Overwhelmed at having secured the devotion of a fellow with years of virility - not to mention innumerable facial breakouts - still ahead of him, our Tracey had resorted to loose fitting T-shirts, stone-washed mini-skirts and a bosom reduction in order to keep... abreast of her youthful hubby.
Meanwhile Chris, though wise beyond his years, had not wised up to the fact that allowing his wife to shop for him was a) wrong and b) WRONG, for obvious reasons (clue = rhymes with yummy), as well as the fact that Tracey's addled state of mind (loved-up-cum-neurotically-insecure) had led to a total style meltdown, so Chris ended up looking more pre-teen than pretender to her heart.
After much shopping and tweaking at the hands of T & S, the age gap had shrunk significantly, along with Tracey's waistline (displaced by the almighty power of sucky-in granny knickers) and the pair looked nothing short of dashing. Chris' had been "manned up" thanks to layering and artfully rumpled jackets, while Tracey was all woman in sophisticated frocks and a fitted bra.
The couple's love for each other was touching indeed as they slow-danced in their new gear, somewhat surreally given it was the middle of the day and they were being spied on from a balcony by Trinny & Susannah, both shedding tears of joy.
To think what a pair of knickers, among other things, can do to defy the ravages of time. Perhaps we shouldn't be surprised that the power of underpants has also been marshalled in the ultimate fight. "Smartpants" - currently being developed by mad scientists in Europe - use electrodes in the waistbands of men's underpants to pick up signals indicating whether or not arteries are clogged, meaning briefs could soon save men from heart attack and stroke.
Leaving aside the giggles induced by the idea of death defying pants I have to say I'm rattled by what appears to be a conspiracy to kill off women in their prime. Allegedly the technology is "not suitable" for women's underwear, "because it can't be fitted into thinner waist bands".
Yah right! Talk about the scientific community not doing enough inter-disciplinary research! If these guys bothered to watch T & S, they'd know there are women's knickers out there so huge they could house enough electrodes not only to identify a blocked vessel or two, but to create fork lightening... Come to think of it, that is pretty much what Tracey achieved when she put them on for Chris.
By Kat Walker