Mega-nano-tastic
Forecasting aficionados will be aware that at any given moment we are in the throes of some 'mega trend' or other. A mega trend is not, as you might assume, a fashion for wearing anything enormous, but a huge, wobbly, zeitgeisty type phenomenon that pervades people's psyches and every aspect of their lives, as well as lasting quite a long time.
At present the 'eco' wave is one example. However now, dear readers, is the time to introduce a new concept: the nano trend. A nano trend is a trend so itsy bitsy and fleeting as to be almost instantly forgettable. Sometimes, as with the time (as a student so help me) I decided to wear my father's paisley dressing gown as a coat, they are thankfully restricted to one person, admittedly rendering the 'trend' tag a little questionable.
More often, as with body stockings, head bands or man make up, they only last long enough for people to look back and cringe. Mostly nano trends represent what happens when the route-map of imagination hits a dead end, turns in on itself and starts madly creating hybrids out of unconnected concepts that should never have bred (toe socks anyone?).
I mentioned man make up before because the latest nano trend (at least, please Gucci, I hope it's a nano trend) draws from the same gender-bending well, bringing us a concept we thought deader than periwigs and lead white make up; male hosiery. Who knows whether the return of Batman and Spidey to our big screens, or all those male swimmers in skin tight aquatic leggings at the Olympics are to blame? Whatever the cause, it seems men love tights. While I have yet to meet a man who bears the theory out, the figures speak for themselves.
A recent broadsheet article cited stats from US website Luxelegwear.com showing about 80 per cent of its sales were to men, with 13 of its styles designed specifically for blokes. Meanwhile retailers say many men simply appreciate the added insulation of tights in colder climates as well as the support, circulation benefits and muscle fatigue alleviation they afford. Talk about over-justification. If men are dressing up the phenomenon as purely practical, why aren't retailers giving the trend a more blokey image by calling them 'long johns' or similar?
Although I did have a crush on Robin Hood (both the Errol Flynn and the recent TV versions), let's face it: he's fictional. Male ballet dancers may look fantastic in tights on stage, but that's where they should remain. After all, how often do you see women pirouetting down the street in tutus and point shoes for Gucci's sake?
Any men wavering on this subject should reclaim their blokeyness by pondering the might of that uber macho form of legwear: jeans. Recent weeks have seen a pair of old Levi's jeans, found in a paper bag in an abandoned California gold mine, selling for $36,099 on eBay. Now that's what I call staying power.
By Kat Walker