Possesion: nine-tenths of the law?
Normal programming has at last resumed in the McEldowney House of Porter.
With Scottish-extracted husband in training's (SHIT) visit to France now just a distant memory and Dog's visit to the naughty puppies home all but forgotten, we have once again settled into our unique version of domestic bliss.
Nowhere is this more cleverly evidenced than by what those two mere males in my life like to refer to as the "night of the clean plate".
The evening began simply enough when, upon the unexpected arrival of a friend of SHIT's, I put together a platter of snacks including grapes, smoked salmon, crackers and cheese and duly placed it on the living room table.
With Dog fast asleep on the bed and SHIT still en route from work, I invited our guest into the kitchen to sample a glass of Marlborough's finest and we settled in for a bit of banter.
Not three minutes later I returned to the living room to pick up the snacks only to find a vacant space in the corner of the platter previously occupied by the salmon - a single white and black hair left in its wake.
Successfully managing to navigate his way down our hallway without touching a single creaky floorboard, that bloody mutt had caught a whiff of fish and awoken from his slumber. Without so much as a backwards glance, he had managed to sneak from the bedroom to the lounge, leap onto the table and, with all the ease of a contortionist, place his front two paws on the table while balancing his hind legs on a cushion on the lounge room chair.
He had then proceeded to swipe and consequently devour my $40 a kilo salmon and sneak back to bed - all without making a sound or disturbing a single morsel on the remainder of the arrangement.
But clearly the McEldowney House of Porter is not the only place where unauthorised retention - or in our case consumption - of goods is being routinely practiced.
Sydney-based fashion agency Krites - which represents a host of labels including Nookie, Religion, Buddhist Punk, Freesoul and House of the Gods - has been forced to implement a strict new loans policy to counteract the number of people not returning stock. A statement sent to stylists and media last week says that while the agency loves lending out its fashion, it has had "some issues" with people not returning stock.
Having to monitor the comings and goings of all garments from its core stable, the brand now insists that any request for loan items be accompanied by a one-off application with a credit card guarantee.
If items are not returned by the due date, the borrower will receive what Krites describes as a "friendly" reminder with items invoiced and charged - at wholesale prices - if the product is returned damaged, lost or stolen or the pieces are more than two weeks overdue.
It's a pity Marc Bourrigan of Pro Press Steamers didn't employ a similar tactic when he generously allowed a fellow Fashion Exposed exhibitor to "borrow" one of his steamers to press his stock - only to discover the unscrupulous offender had made off with the item concerned without so much as a backwards glance.
What concerns me most is not the policy itself but the very thought that Krites and the like have had to implement such drastic measures just to protect their stock. It's hard enough to make a buck in this business without unprincipled individuals damaging or swiping goods lent in good faith.
"Clearly the McEldowney House of Porter is not the only place where unauthorised retention - or in our case consumption - of goods is being routinely practiced."
By Tracey McEldowney