No guts, no glory

As those of you have met me can attest, mine is definitely a body built more for comfort than speed.
Yet despite being afflicted with what my sister termed "tree trunk pins" and my Nana referred to as "duck's disease", I reckon even I could secure a place in the Australian Commonwealth Games track team after just three days attending the mother of all trade fairs - Fashion Exposed (FEX).
With around 650 exhibitors occupying around 27,200 metres of floor space across six exhibition halls to visit and an average of 13,000 fellow attendees to elbow out of the way, "knocking the bastard off" is by no means a challenge for the faint-hearted.
I kid you not.
The bubbly and delightful Sue Dight, project manager for Melbourne-based organisers Australian Exhibition & Conferences, figured it might be a bit of fun to carry a pedometer (those pocket-sized machines that measure the amount of steps taken in one day) with her on her travels in and around the venue.
Day one - three days before the official opening of FEX Sydney - she clocked around 22,000 steps, the equivalent of walking around 22 kilometres whilst attending to the various demands of management as well as exhibitors.
Day two, that rose to 25,000 steps or 25 kilometres.
Day three peaked at around 30,000 (30 kilometres).
By the time it came around to the official opening of FEX Sydney, Sue was so bloody exhausted she forgot to turn the pedometer on.
Day five, she knocked off another 22,000 and by day six another 20,000 or so.
In all, Sue walked around 100 kilometres over the duration of the event.
With this kind of training behind her, she is now contemplating forgoing her seat on the plane and running the 1050 kilometres separating Melbourne and Sydney to attend next year's spring/summer event instead.
But enough about her - let's refocus back on me.
As I alerted you before, I am now a veteran of two of these ausAnd while I, along with thousands of other happy attendees, consider FEX an extremely professional event well worth attending, I feel it only fair I share with you the following:
Firstly, good preparation is a must. Not only is this a test of your physical attributes, fairs such as FEX will also push your map-reading ability, your patience levels and your diplomacy skills to their very brink.
For this reason, participants are advised to begin by spending a minimum of four weeks searching for a needle in a haystack while simultaneously advising your best friend that the reason her necklace no longer fits around her podgy little neck is because all those Krispy Kremes she inhaled before yoga have come to seek their revenge.
Secondly, spend some time get your hands on an early copy of the buyer's guide. Memorise not only where the toilets are but where the coffee stands are located. These will act like beacons in the snow when you find yourself at your lowest ebb after hours walking around in circles trying to find the 5 by 5 metre stand promising a 0.08 per cent discount on all orders over $50,000.
Thirdly, consider donning a black rubbish bag under a cocktail dress teaming it with heels and a rucksack and walking the Kokoda Trail. While it won't cause you quite as much back pain nor as many blisters, it will prepare you for the harsh realities of spending three days at the country's premier fashion trade fair.