Touching up a no-no

Just when I thought I'd understood the meaning of the word "aspirational" the powers that be have pulled the rug out from under me.
After years of not exactly self-loathing - let's call it a nagging sense of disappointment tempered by philosophical resignation - due to the hyper-perfect image of womankind peddled by my fave magazines, I have recently learned that "looking natural is in".
"Wait" I thought as I tried to digest this bombshell. "If looking natural is in, that means I should aspire to hairy legs, a stomach that resembles a padded anorak and a skin tone reminiscent of a Mimco slouch bag.
In other words, me.
But I don't want to aspire to me. I want to aspire to be something that is impossible and unattainable! Otherwise it's not aspiration, is it?
Frankly I blame supermodel and celebrity Tyra Banks, who has broken new ground by asking women's magazines not to re-touch her image.
Tipped as the next Oprah, Banks is developing a media empire, including The Tyra Banks Show on which she recently contrasted photographs in magazines with the originals, demonstrating how editors had trimmed inches off her waist and thighs.
I'm sure Banks is trying - in Oprah-atic fashion - to get women everywhere feeling all warm and fuzzy by asking magazines not to digitally remove her extra weight, de-bag her eyes or iron out her cellulite, but I fear confusion will be the result.
Imagine the chaos if supermodels really looked as natural as the rest of us. There'd be catfights outside every model agency in the land - ten tonne Tessies weighing in against vertically challenged Veras; we'd all be refusing to get out of bed for less than a million dollars; the economy would slow down. It could spell the end of civilisation as we know it.
Just goes to show, you should be careful what you wish for.
One oddly consoling thought is that "natural" is a relative term. I mean a silverback gorilla is natural but you wouldn't see one draped in Fendi on the cover of Vogue, while (I hate to admit this) I imagine even in her most natural state Tyra Banks would scrub up all right. What a relief. I'd love to be a fly on the wall at her next photo shoot, though. Surely even she gets a pimple now and again?

:Complete package
Phew. Just when it looked like female neurosis was about to become oh so very last year, the fashion zeitgeist has conveniently honed in on male body image. Australian men may not care about clothes or shaving, but they do care about their bits. Just as well, 'cause the new C-IN2 Lo. No. Show Profile Sling features a support to improve the profile of the wearer, and we're not talking about his nose. Those whose livelihood depends on finding the "next big thing" in men's underwear need look no further.