Weird algebra
One fashion magazine that is not suffering an advertising downturn is Myer Emporium, a thick, glossy publication that is generously supported by suppliers who, I suspect, are laughin' on the outside and cryin' on the inside at the cost of being in its pages.
There is not much of what you might call cutting edge editorial although, in the classiest European fashion magazines, the advertisers do a splendid job of enchanting readers. I therefore have no beef with Myer aiming in the same direction.
But the latest Autumn edition does have a couple of weird pages. Headed "Update your wardrobe", the advertorial shows how you can put individual pieces together to achieve "the look". For instance A Bettina Liano leather jacket plus Georgina Goodman shoes plus a Miss Shop feather print kaftan plus a Sportscraft bag equals a DKNY outfit - obviously with none of these pieces in it. Another three pieces added together is supposed to equal a Moschino outfit - which includes pants apparently not needed if you buy black Boss blazer, Maticevski blouse and Charlie Brown handbag.
Yes, I know what the editor is trying to say, that the high fashion look can be achieved with mid priced pieces, but the exercise has come unstuck and is just plain misleading.
Having got my nasty out of the way, I think the magazine is commendable. We need as much consumer stimulation as we can get these days so we can win our share of all those $900 cheques that Mr Sheen is handing out.
And while I'm on the subject of consumer stimulation, the trade worldwide should pay to have the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic taken out of circulation. Although I laughed at a row of mannequins in shop windows applauding the leading lady for resisting going inside to flash the plastic, it did occur to me that this is exactly what we don't want.
Old Blokes Rule
Tapping into the growing oldies market, a Queensland menswear T-shirt supplier is moving plenty of units of cotton T-shirts with clever graphics for oldies. I can be disrespectful about oldies because I'm one of them.
In a world where it is customary to ridicule old age, John Boorer's company has struck the balance between humour, dignity and reality. The recurring theme is 'Old blokes rule. No worries'.
A variety of graphics presents the few pleasures in growing long in the tooth. One wording I particularly like is "age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill".
The screen prints have a similar validity to their market as Mambo used to have for its teens.
Illustrations include Kombis, FJs, tall surfboards, retro guitars and simply occupying a chair. Never do they descend into crudity. "If you want an old bloke to wear one it has to resonate, not alienate" says John - who is an oldie himself.
You can find out more on his website.
Peter, Peter, Big Mac eater
A man's got to make a living - which is probably why Peter Morrissey has turned his fashion flair from the diminishing number of boutiques bearing his name to McDonald's restaurants where he has been commissioned to design new staff uniforms.
While it may not look too schmik on his CV, if the uniforms are a hit there is plenty more work from similar sources. I trust the haute fashionista will make comment on the result, just as they have on the generations of Qantas uniforms and those awful blue dipped tracksuits worn by Australian athletes in the Beijing grand parade.
I liked the work Peter did for Qantas. His sleep suit has become one of my favourites for chilling out at home. The staff uniforms looked good too - in contrast to some in the past where the designer didn't connect too well with the end use.
Too often a prominent designer who wins a corporate contract is haunted by the designer image rather than looking at the uniform from the wearer's or the customer's point of view.
What does the McDonald's customer want to see? I've always had a secret admiration for the grey trousers worn by the female staff because they flattered rather than flattened the away-heading wearer. So I hope he keeps those. But, in the end, I think he'll look at what casually dressed young people are wearing and do smart version of that. I've got my money on track style pants and a two-layered top to account for temperature changes.
Hell, I might as well have a go too. In a reference to Ronald McDonald I'd like to see red and white rings on the track pant legs from mid calf down, but I guess a combination of migrating mince, oil globules and airborne chocolate sauce might make for too-frequent laundering.