Way out west

Recently I've started wondering what's so special about Perth, except that it's the remotest capital city in the world, or something. Okay it's not a capital city, but it is the main city in WA - and I'm sure some clever person will write in and tell me that it's not the remotest city in the world either - but the point is, it's bloody far away, and the second more significant point is that it could be on Uranus as far as fevered talent spotters are concerned. They don't care, because it's the birth place of the preternaturally beautiful Gemma Ward. According to models.com - the Nasdaq of the modelling world, which ranks models according to their editorial coverage, advertising space and cat walk bookings etc - the model and fledgling zillionairess now ranks as the second hottest "face" on earth (the first is Canadian beauty Daria Werbowy). As a result model agents have been flocking to Western Australia like so many crazed sheep, while new agencies have sprung up with the famed alacrity of mushrooms, all in aid of finding the next Gemma. Such shonky reasoning inspired me to conduct a bit of my own research. This basically involved me typing the search terms "Croydon" (the hallowed London suburb where UK modelling mega star Kate Moss was born) and "models" into Google Advanced Search, which resulted in a photograph of a scantily-clad young lady with a tiger tattoo on her back and eye makeup heavily reminiscent of glam rock band Kiss. She called herself Stacey and listed her vital statistics. I'm sure Stacey makes a very good living but megastar she ain't. A further search on Croydon yielded nothing more than the little known fact that a number of English archbishops are buried there. This surely serves as a cautionary tale on the randomness of success, showing that those who try to replicate it have only themselves to blame when all they find is a heap of dead clerics. Alternatively it could mean I should get out more and stop using Google as my sole source for The Truth.

If the cup fits...
While search engines are perhaps wanting in the accuracy department it is reassuring to know that technology is soon to be our saviour in terms of bra fittings. The discovery that between 70 and 90 per cent of women wear the wrong cup size has led to the invention of a digital system by UK lingerie company Figleaves. Apparently the technology can replicate the bra-fitting precision of that long-extinct species, the department store lingerie matron; although I seriously doubt whether it could ever replace the value-added capability of nodding in a maternal fashion while you explain that you left your last bra at your ex-boyfriend's when you discovered him dancing around the bathroom in it. But hey, don't trust my opinion, I'm a Googler.