The age of innocence?

Ah childhood! A golden time...mucking about in the back yard with only an elastic band and a cardboard box for entertainment (the band was a ring with magical powers, the box a time machine, naturellement). And when the band snapped and the box went soggy, it was off with my troupe of two-year-old girlfriends... and... Mum's credit card... to...what...buy a pair of designer jeans...What!?! If there was a soundtrack to the last sentence - and if people still listened to record players - this is where the needle would go skidding nastily across the vinyl, for, as our dear editor recently pointed out Ragtrader June 16 it seems the innocent and inexpensive pleasures of childhood are officially dead. Clearly there is only one word to describe the way in which apparently sane individuals spend money on designer clothes for their kids; Bonkers. But add celebrities to the mix and you have raspberry-blowing, raving lunacy, best illustrated by the recent rush to purchase the T-shirt that Brad and Angelina's daughter wore in her first photo shoot. Mere hours after her arrival and several months before acquiring her very own first tooth, the flamboyantly-named Shiloh Nouvel has unwittingly caused havoc, which will no doubt keep some therapist in the black 20 years or so hence. The silver lining to the orgiastic riot of consumerism that followed her birth is that the tee's designer apparently offered to send a crate load of the things to clothe poverty-stricken kids in Africa, although I fear there's something a teensy bit unbalanced about all this. I can already hear the teeth grinding of those fashion wannabe mums - credit cards wilting - watching their credibility disappear in a freight ship across the Indian Ocean; while I'm fairly certain African mothers would more likely appreciate a square meal and decent housing than a standout fashion bargain.

Dog's life
But wait, what's this I see? I've got it all wrong! It's not those drooling miniature adults with messy eating and poor hygiene formerly known as children that are tearing up dollar bills and feeding them into the food blender along with the rusks in the name of fashion; it's the bloody dog! (metaphorically of course - dogs don't have opposable thumbs and would find the attachments a challenge). A recent report on household expenditure has revealed Australians spent $3.69 billion on their pets in the year 2003, compared to $1.92 billion on childcare services, hinting that the real growth market for Australian fashion labels ain't kidswear. Drizabone has not missed a trick here, with the Driza-Bone Dog Coat recently awarded best in Europe; and in the upmarket Sydney suburb of Woolhara canine boutique Dogue is cashing in on the doggie fashion craze. Dogue's proprietor claims one older female customer spends $3000 every six months updating her poodle's wardrobe, while for pooches freaking out because their favourite label has just sold out, dog yoga or "doga" is the clearly the way to go.