Alco-nymns

Have you heard the one about the alcoholic policeman? No neither had I, but I think a new joke has just been invented. A recent debacle involving high visibility vests for the NSW police force's Aboriginal Community Liaison Officers, (ACLO) may have driven NSW Police Commissioner Ken Moroney to drink. The vests were intended to bear the acronym ACLO so their wearers -- whose duty it is to deal with drunks, punch-ups and other potentially explosive situations - could be easily identified. On receiving their vests however, the officers were dismayed to discover the word ALCO emblazoned on their vests, conjuring the unfortunate image of specially trained alcoholics trying to maintain order in perilous situations. One only hopes the word blindness applied to ACLO will not be administered to Moroney, who may well be given a new nickname in future, and it's not Kenny. The culprits for the mistake were hard to track down; no doubt they are busy looking for a job.

:Hungary for fashion
Imagine the outrage if the mayor of an Oz capital city issued orders on the dress code of his female employees. Well in Hungary that's just what has happened. The mayor of Budapest, one Gabor Mitynan has decreed that female City Hall staff should be allowed to wear miniskirts only if their legs are "completely perfect". The diktat also specifies that skirts should be no shorter than two to three centimetres above the knee. The prudish lunacy does not stop there however. Mitynan has also decried that icon of modern style, the cropped top, because "few women have well-trained bellies worth showing to people" and also wants the city to pass laws encoding stocking thickness. I would hope the hot-blooded eastern European fury at such sexism would blow the roof off City Hall. Mitynan has not given the blokes a free rein either, prescribing blazers in summer, to ensure that staff are not dressed "like beggars or holidaymakers."

:Housewives Choice
Desperate Housewives Vixen Nicollette Sheridan hits Melbourne this month (October) to launch a bra range for Aussie lingerie label Hestia. La Sheridan appeared to have cleaned up on the cheesy promotion stakes by hosting a competition to find Melbourne's ultimate housewife. Desperate contestants were to be put through a series of housework-related tasks to win the prize, all in a day's work for most chicks I would think. "Jeepers - just how desperate would you have to be for a free Hestia bra?" I thought when I heard this. Pretty desperate it seems. Far from a holiday, endless shopping vouchers or a diamond encrusted loo-brush, the winner's prize includes that rarest of gems - the services of a model house-husband for a week.